Dear Potty Training, You're Going to Break Me

At least, that's how I feel right now. As I sit here typing this, there's a loud fan going next to me to dry the freshly cleaned cushion from our rocking chair that my three year old peed on. In the laundry room, the washer and dryer are both going and a big pile of pee pee laundry is waiting for me to wash it. Our sofa has a lovely (sarcasm intended) white waterproof crib mattress pad on one cushion because this mama is done trying to clean pee off of our sofa cushions.

I hate potty training. I hated it the first time I did it when my oldest was two and a half. I remember the second day in I felt an overwhelming feeling of just wanting to go back. Couldn't we just go back? Diapers aren't so bad, right? I didn't end up going back then, but I still remember that feeling. And it's probably why I have waited so long to potty train my three year old. I have waited and put it off and procrastinated and come up with a hundred other things that I "need" to do first. But now we're in the midst of it and I can't help but think, "This is why. THIS is why I have put it off for so long. Because I. HATE. IT." It's so hard. And I'd like to just go back. Or maybe fast forward? When will this child be potty trained, WHEN?? I wish I knew the answer to that, but I don't. I need to continue on, hopefully moving forward a little day by day, until one day I reach the point where I can look back on this experience and say, "You know, we made it through. It didn't break me".

In the meantime, my sofa will look like this:


If you are potty training, I highly recommend getting one of these so your sofa can look as great as mine. Or you may already have one in a closet somewhere like I did. In all seriousness though, it's great because the elastic pretty much fits around the width of my sofa cushion and I just folded the excess under. It's soft so my son still has a comfortable place to sit, I don't feel like I'm being mean making him sit on the floor, and if he pees on it, I can just take it off and wash it.


I also recommend getting this stuff for when the mess can't be just put in the washer. I've been using this on our carpet and any upholstery that gets *ahem* peed on.


To any fellow potty training mamas out there, I feel you. And if I could, I would buy you this pin. I know I could have used it today.

On Being Dissatisfied

Last week I had this gnawing feeling of dissatisfaction with my life. That made me feel bad because I'm usually pretty happy with what I do. I'm so grateful and thankful to be a stay-at-home mom right now. This is what I wanted to do! This is what I prayed for even before we started trying to have kids! But sometimes I think looking around at other people and other moms too much leads me to think I should have something else. I should be a good stay-at-home mom and a successful "_______". Fill in the blank with whatever...small business owner. Illustrator. Blogger. Ministry volunteer. Just something else. And maybe I want to be recognized for that something else?

I opened up and told my husband about these feelings and how I didn't like them. We prayed about it together and the next night I picked up The Human Right reader, a newspaper-like pamphlet, that I had brought home from the last service of the Assemblies of God Centennial Celebration. I started reading the section titled, "Abandon", and at the end of the first page it said this: "We must be content with whatever level of influence He gives us. it may look different in your life than it does anywhere else. That's okay. Regardless of where His voice takes you, there is a conversation happening right now in Heaven and your name is part of it. God is summoning us and the next generation to hear His Spirit speak." Wow! What a good thing for my restless heart to hear. For more info on The Human Right, click here.

Then the next night, I read Alicia Britt Chole's blog. She's been doing a series called Seven Woes For This Generation, and this one was, "Woe to us when we crave fame. Do we possess the strength to be nothing?" She goes on to say, "We daydream of greatness and call it being visionary. We long to be publicly affirmed in the superlative and call it God’s favor. We boast of opportunities and call it faith." I love that she asks if we have the strength to be nothing. What a concept! To read her blog post, click here.

God patiently reminds me again and again that I need to focus on Him instead of looking around me and comparing myself to others. As Sara Groves sings in her song "This Journey Is My Own", I need to "live and...breathe for an audience of one".

When Life Hands You Balloons

Last Saturday we went to a park to have our pictures taken by my brother-in-law. I wanted to get some photos of the three of us as a family (since we haven't done that yet, *ahem*) and some of Avery. The day before, I had planned to go get a single helium balloon for Avery's pictures. The only place I know of to get helium balloons (the regular kind, not the foil kind) is on the other side of town and well, it didn't work out for me to go get one. Then that evening Josh was going to go get one and that didn't work out either as he had to worry about getting his hair cut and there just wasn't time. Oh, and did I mention that during this time we're juggling one car because our other vehicle decided to have issues again? Yeeeeah. We decided that if we had time in the morning, we'd go buy a balloon before getting our pictures taken.

Needless to say, we did not have time in the morning. After leaving later than intended, Josh asked if we still wanted to stop and get a balloon. "Uhhh, no." I said. "We're already running late!" I had been feeling frustrated that we didn't have time to get a balloon for Avery's pictures. And normally when I feel that way about something that is out of my control, I look around for someone else to blame to alleviate my frustration. I stew. I sulk. But in that moment, I decided not to let my normal reaction take over. I didn't want to make my family miserable right before family pictures! So I said laughingly, "Maybe there will be a man selling balloons at the park!" Josh laughed with me at the ridiculousness of that thought. But it made me feel better and, hey! It could happen, right?

We met my brother-in-law in the parking lot of the park and as we're walking away from our cars, we pass a young family with a baby getting ready to leave. And with them they are carrying a big bunch of...you guessed it...balloons! I think as they passed by, I said to my brother-in-law, "Ohhh! I meant to go get a balloon for Avery's pictures and I didn't have a chance!" I looked wistfully after them and thought, "Do I dare go beg them for one of their balloons?" Josh was on the same wavelength as I was and said, "Why don't you just go ask them for a balloon?" I looked towards them, trying to work up the nerve to go ask, and I see that they're looking back at us. So we started walking towards each other and the young woman said, "Would you like our balloons? I overheard you say you wanted some." My hand flew to my heart and I said, "Yes, thank you! I meant to get some yesterday and didn't have time! Thank you so much!" I walked back to my family with the balloons in hand. I couldn't believe it! Avery loved the balloons and I think we'll have some good pictures of her with them...not to mention a good story to tell when we look back years from now.

So to the dear, sweet family in the park that gave us your balloons: Thank you! This mama was feeling bad that she didn't have a chance to get a single balloon for her daughter's photos. You helped make our pictures and our day! And thank you, God...I'm sure you had a part in that, too!

The Tree Swing

I've been feeling a little off lately. Sometimes life doesn't go according to plan and instead you trip over a toy in the floor and break the two smallest toes on one foot, forcing you to stay off of it for several days. Then maybe you get a one inch long gash on the top of your head from an open medicine cabinet door and have to cover it up with your bangs so as not to gross everyone out or draw unwanted attention to yourself. And yes, I am very accident prone. Its amazing that I haven't broken anything else on my body yet. Add to that a sick daughter and everything that comes with that (high fever, melt downs, clinginess and feeling miserable), and well...it's easy to feel a little off.

Yesterday Avery started feeling better again, and since it was so nice outside we went out to the backyard after dinner. I mean seriously--who could ask for better weather at the end of July in Missouri??? I found a toddler swing for Avery a few weeks ago and Josh installed it on a tree branch that I knew would be the perfect spot for a swing. After playing in the yard awhile, Avery wanted to swing so I put her in. She was content to swing for a good long time and I was happy to keep pushing her. Something about the repetitive motion of the swing swaying back and forth, the perfect temperature outside, the creak of the gate as Josh went to water the garden...it was soothing. We listened to the birds chirping and the dogs barking and the leaves swishing in the wind. I looked up through the tree branches with all their green leaves and could see the blue sky. I knew that would be a perfect spot for a swing. What I didn't know is how much good it would do for me, too. Thanks God, for answering my prayer for a swing for Avery...and for me.

My To-Do List

I like to make myself a to-do list every week and keep it visible on the kitchen counter. I have to smile in amusement when I make my lists these days thinking of how different my tasks are now from what they used to be as a full-time office employee. As a stay-at-home mom, my lists now include things like, "Do Avery's laundry" and "Change out carseat buckle". My to-do lists help me remember the things I tend to forget about until right before bed when I think, "Oh yeah, I forgot to do ____."

This week I had an unusual "task" on my to-do list...to write a letter to a friend. This is the only way I have of communicating with her right now in her current situation. So last night instead of getting on Facebook or Pintrest like I usually do after my daughter is in bed, I decided to sit down and write to her. I dug out my stationery box (yes, I actually do still have one), but I had to dig down to the bottom under blank cards and unused stickers until I finally found some stationery paper. It's pink and I've probably had it since I was 12! After writing for awhile, I thought about how rare it is for me to write anymore. Occasionally I'll force myself to sit down and write in my journal, but even then its usually about what new things Avery is doing or saying and not really about my thoughts or what's been going on in my life. Even emailing someone seldom happens anymore. Why email when you can just send short texts while you're busy doing something else? Who has time to sit down and write? Not me. Oh yeah, but I do have time for Facebook and Pintrest. Hmmmm...

So this evening of writing to my friend instead of getting on social media made me think...I don't have to always check Facebook. That should not be something on my mental to-do list. And speaking of to-do lists, I don't always have to have one. Sure, they are nice to help me remember things and it feels so good when I get to cross something off. But life isn't about just crossing things off my list. Playing with my daughter and giving her my attention isn't something I can just do and say, "Check! That's done for today." Spending time reading my Bible and praying isn't something I can do and then say, "Check! I've been a good Christian for today...now I'm done." And I have to keep reminding myself of that. I don't want to let my to-do lists, whether mental or actual, control me. So if I made an actual to-do list inspired by this blog post, I think it should look something like this:

-Spend time being present, whether its an actual place or in someone's company
-Pray without ceasing
-Spend less time on social media and more time writing and drawing! :o)

What's on your to-do list right now?

When Pies Go Bad

I made two strawberry meringue pies with lemon curd for Mother's Day and things didn't exactly go as planned. When I baked the crusts, they shrunk down into the pie plates and bubbled up really big in the middle. Nice. But after I assembled them, I thought they looked good enough to snap a picture of, so I did:

What I didn't snap a picture of was the next morning when I took them out of the refrigerator and the juice from the strawberries had soaked into the crust! They were a mess. One of them even leaked onto the backseat of our car on the way over to my parents' house. But despite all this, they still tasted pretty good. And my husband (who is not a big fan of pie crust) said that it was the best pie crust he had ever had! Note to self...strawberry juice-soaked pie crust is good!

Sketchbook Peek Saturday

I've been thinking about doing a feature here where I share something from my sketchbook every other week or so. I think it will be fun and hopefully it will also keep me motivated to draw on a more regular basis! Ok, so this isn't exactly from my sketchbook, but here's just a little something I worked on last night:

It's pretty simple and it really didn't take me that long to do. It's for a little project I'm working on. Hope you enjoyed this little "peek", and happy weekend!